Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize