he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
