Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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