I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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