Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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