Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
