Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
