yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
