Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
