there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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