i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
