Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
