I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
