you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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