i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
