Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
