Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
