OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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