i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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