hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
