How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
