I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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