Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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