I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
