we have pet lesbian snakes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
