Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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