tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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