Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
