just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
