I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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