Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
