Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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