her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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