you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
