you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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