i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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