Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
