as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
