And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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