:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
