The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
