I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
