My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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