I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize