So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
