The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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