who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
