yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
