So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
