Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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