Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
