you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
