True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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