Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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