Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
