DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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