I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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