His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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