I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
