I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
