you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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