My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
