i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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