so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
