he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
