Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
