Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
