What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
